The Bible says a lot about love.
"Love thy neighbour."
"For God so loved the world."
In First Corinthians, it says, "Love is patient,
"love is kind."
But what does it mean to truly love someone?
You see, Jesus showed us...
You see that?
No. But keep talking.
Why?
Cos I'm trying to unwrap a candy, and I don't want anybody to hear.
How come she gets candy? I want candy.
How come you're not shushing them?
Sh! Sh.
Sometimes love is about the little things.
A smile.
Asking about their day.
Writing an encouraging note.
See? He's talking about Robin.
Who is Robin?
Pastor Jeff's girlfriend.
Mom set them up, and now she thinks she's cool.
Sh. But I did set them up.
Cool. So, let's see what Jesus has to say about that.
# Nobody else is stronger than I am
# Yesterday I moved a mountain
# I bet I could be your hero
# I am a mighty little man, I am a mighty little man. #
Thanks for coming. Pastor Jeff,
do chickens go to heaven?
Well, the Bible doesn't say much about the souls of animals,
but I like to believe that God loves all his creatures. Why?
My dad wants to eat Matilda.
It's not as bad as it sounds.
She stopped laying eggs,
so, it's off with her head and into the fryer.
Well, I will pray for her little chicken soul.
Just pray she's juicy.
Hello, Coopers. Nice to see you,
as always. Lovely sermon today.
I wouldn't know. I couldn't hear
over all the candy wrappers and gossip.
That's enough. Move along. Actually, Mary,
can I speak to you for a sec? Sure. Um, I'll be right there.
Yeah, make it quick. I don't want to miss kick-off.
Church and football?
At least 60 Minutes is on tonight.
Everything OK?
Everything's wonderful.
We're trying to keep this quiet, but...
We have decided to get married.
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh.
And we were hoping that you could help us plan the wedding.
Oh, my gosh!
I did it again. I'm sorry.
Um, I would be honoured.
Oh. Just something small and simple.
So, when were you thinking? Uh, spring, summer?
Next Sunday. Uh, oh.
That is soon.
Uh, you're not...?
No.
Because we haven't, you know...
But we would like to.
But we can't cos I'm a pastor.
But we can once we're married.
So, Sunday it is.
OK. Or maybe Saturday.
Ooh, Saturday. Even better.
I cannot wait.
Me, either.
Still here.
Hm.
George, you will not believe what I get to do.
What's that?
Plan Pastor Jeff's wedding.
Oh, isn't that nice? Oh, it's gonna be a lot of work.
They want this done by next weekend.
What, he knock her up?
Been there.
No. He is a man of God.
He cannot have a physical relationship
outside holy matrimony.
Oh, so that's the rush.
Well, yes,
but they also seem very much in love.
Love is great.
Anyway, I am gonna be extra busy,
so I'm gonna need you to pick up the slack
around here. You know?
The kids?
Making meals?
Sounds good.
Wait, what?
I need you to help out.
So, Pastor Jeff wants to get lucky, and I pay the price?
I am asking you to take care of your children.
And I'm asking you, why can't your mother do it?
George.
Fine.
TV: That has to be the play of the game,
maybe even the season!
And I can't believe what I just saw.
Your dad can't eat Matilda.
Sure, he can. He eats everything.
Billy, you've raised her from a chick.
She's like your child.
You wouldn't let somebody eat your child.
Does my child taste like chicken?
Billy!
Missy!
SHELDON: Many inventions
changed people's lives for the better -
the light bulb, the polio vaccine,
and one that doesn't get enough credit -
the home video cassette recorder.
It didn't help keep people out of wheelchairs,
but it did keep me from missing Star Trek.
PICARD: Captain's log, stardate 44307.3.
I am preparing to leave by shuttle craft...
BAYWATCH THEME PLAYS
# Some people stand
# In the darkness, afraid to step...
FAST FORWARDS TAPE
# Don't you worry... #
No.
No!
# I'll be ready... #
Georgie!
Georgie, why are there
bathing suit ladies where Captain Picard should be?
Georgie!
He's not home. What's going on?
Georgie taped over Star Trek: The Next Generation.
So? Watch something else. I don't want to watch something else.
I want to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation.
And I want to feel bad for you, but I don't.
The television station's in Houston.
Drive me there. I'm sure they have a copy of it.
I'm not driving to Houston.
Well, then, I should warn you, I am very unhappy.
OK.
In fact, I am peeved.
OK.
I would slam this door right now,
but it would startle me, so just imagine I did.
DOOR CLOSES GENTLY
OK.
I'm sorry Robin couldn't be here.
She's working extra shifts so she can take some time off
after the wedding. For a honeymoon? How nice.
Where y'all going?
Oh, we don't really plan on leaving the bedroom.
Well, um, we have a lot to discuss.
Reception, flowers, cake...
Like I said, we're just looking for something simple.
Got it. Nothing fancy.
Just...elegant.
Right, but a plain, bare-bones elegance.
How many guests were you thinking?
It doesn't have to be big. I've been married before.
But Robin hasn't. And you're our pastor.
Your congregation is gonna want to share in your special day.
Those bones are sounding less bare.
Sorry.
Your small, elegant,
bare-bones, unforgettable, simple, special day.
Now, let's talk centrepieces.
SHELDON: None of my friends had recorded the episode.
I called Tam. I called Dr Sturgis.
Those were all my friends.
VIDEO GAME: Engage.
Fortunately, having a modem granted me
access to an even better kind of friend -
the kind you don't have to see or talk to.
CHICKEN CLUCKS
AGGRESSIVE CLUCKING
HE SCREAMS
Why would you bring that pecking poop machine into our home?
To save her life. What about my life?
She's not trying to kill you.
Oh, yeah? Then why was there hate in her eyes?
That's how everybody looks at you.
I got lunch!
Dad, Missy put a chicken in my room!
The Sparks were gonna kill her and eat her!
The hell's going on?
How could you? What?
I miss your mother.
Would you look at these sugar flowers?
I'm too busy looking at the price tag.
Judas Priest!
Oh, you can't skimp on the cake.
It's the focal point of the entire wedding.
How about this? We get a bunch of Ding Dongs,
stack them in the shape of a heart. Everybody's happy.
You do not want your wife to look back
at her wedding pictures and see a pile of Ding Dongs.
I'm not sure she's gonna care.
She gonna care!
SHE SIGHS
But there are more affordable cakes here that we can look at.
Thank you. Maybe they have some stale ones in the back
that you can disappoint your bride with.
All right, here I am.
What's the emergency?
Sheldon's mad at Georgie cos he taped over his space show,
but now he's hiding in the garage cos Missy brought home
Billy's chicken. And Missy's hiding in the bathroom
cos I brought home fried chicken.
Good luck. Oh, come on, help me out!
What are you doing to help?
I called your ass over here.
Where's Mary? At church planning Pastor Jeff's wedding.
And she left you in charge?
Yeah. Well, that was dumb.
Thank you. OK.
Let's split up.
You want live chicken or dead chicken?
Hey. Right in there. Hi.
Hello. Hi.
See ya.
I'll take the chicken problems.
Girl in bedroom?
All yours.
Oh.
Would you like to try it on? Oh, no. I'm not here for me.
Just helping a friend.
Oh, too bad. That dress would be stunning on you.
Oh, I would look like a princess.
What do you think?
How handsome!
I feel like I'm in the presence of James Bond.
Well, I don't have a licence to kill,
but I do have a licence to officiate funerals.
Should we pull some dresses for Robin?
I suppose. How about that?
Oh, she'd hate that. Keep looking.
Oh.
Come on, and bring that bucket of chicken out of there.
No, we're not eating it.
What if it was Matilda's friend?
Honey, that one's from Kentucky.
They didn't know each other.
George.
Why are you not in that bedroom?
Well, I'm just thinking of what to say.
They're teenagers. If you wait any longer, they'll be done.
I'm just gonna grab a beer.
George!
Georgie?
ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
What?
Door stays open.
Why? We're just listening to music.
My house, my rules.
And don't sit on the bed.
Where are we supposed to sit?
Just...not on the bed.
Whatever.
He's just mad cos we're young and he's not.
Done. I made 'em sit on the floor.
Smart. Nobody ever got pregnant on the floor.
Have you had the talk with that boy? Of course.
Really? What'd you say?
You know, the stuff...
..you know, a father says when he has a talk with his son.
Good Lord. Did you tell him about protection?
Oh, come on, Connie. Well, it's important.
What if he knocks that poor girl up and ruins her life?
Is that a swipe at me? Well, it depends.
Did you knock up my daughter and ruin her life?
Wait. I know the answer.
Hey, for your information, Mary is very happy.
Robin's gonna look so beautiful in this.
Your wedding's gonna be perfect.
Great. Thank you.
She won't have to go down to city hall
wearing the only thing that still fits cos she's trying to hide
the fact that she's pregnant.
Uh-huh.
She's gonna get the wedding of her dreams.
If she cries on the dress, do I have to buy it?
LOUD SOBS
You know it takes two people to get pregnant, right?
I know that. Does Georgie?
Probably. We got cable now.
Dad?
What?
Is Matilda still in my closet?
What? That's a "yes."
Aah!
The bathroom's flooding!
What happened? I flushed a chicken leg,
and water started going everywhere.
Chickens were your job!
Maybe I'm being punished.
Maybe I'm a bad person.
That went in my mouth.
Stay back!
Calm down. We're taking her home.
To be murdered.
OK, have fun.
Can y'all keep it down?
I have a bone to pick with you, sir.
What'd I do? You taped over my Star Trek episode.
So?
So, now I may never get to see it.
What if it was a two-parter?
I can't start a two-parter on part two. That's madness.
I think I'm gonna go.
OK.
Hola, senorita.
She's in my Spanish class.
I'll call you later.
Te veo manana en la clase de espanol.
What?
That means, "See you tomorrow in Spanish class."
I was going to ask how you thought you did
on Friday's quiz, but I'm guessing the answer is no bueno.
Adios.
What?
SHE BLOWS HARD
I'm sorry.
This is your wedding, and I'm making it all about me.
No. I mean, you are, but it's fine.
It's just, every bride dreams of walking down the aisle,
and I never got to have that.
Still on you. OK.
I'm sorry. I'll stop.
Hey, even though I'm looking fly, I'm still your pastor.
Well...
..it's more than the wedding.
Overnight, I became a wife and a mother.
I feel like I missed out on a lot.
Well, sometimes the Lord has his own plans for us.
And, if it helps, Robin and I always talk about
how much we admire you and your family.
Really?
Your marriage may have gotten off to a rough start,
but if that's what it took to get where you are,
maybe God knew what he was doing.
You know what? Let's get back to planning your wedding.
Oh, no. You're done. You may be a great wife
and mother, but you stink at this.
That's fair.
Do I have to?
You want to add grandkids to this mess?
God, no.
HE KNOCKS ON DOOR Georgie, we need to talk.
What now?
You're of an age where your body has...
..urges.
Oh, my God!
Georgie, you need to hear this.
From both of you?
Well, who do you want to hear it from?
No-one. But if I got to pick, I guess you.
Good choice.
Don't forget to tell him about venereal disease.
This next part's so great.
TV: Yes, sir. I'm aware of that.
The Academy?
PICARD: I just received a message from Admiral Nsomeka.
What's going on here?
Wesley Crusher was just accepted into Starfleet Academy,
and, for his final mission, he's accompanying Picard
on a shuttle mission to Pentarus V.
No. I mean...who's your friend?
Oh, he's not a friend. He's a stranger.
I met him on a Star Trek bulletin board.
He had a copy of the episode Georgie taped over and brought it here.
Hello. I'm Nathan.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave...Nathan.
OK.
But I'm taking my tape with me. That's fine.
No. I need to see the end. No, you don't!
Does anyone read us?
CLEARS THROAT
And I know your mom would want me to tell you to wait till marriage,
but I also know...you're probably not going to.
Did you?
The important thing is that when you're with a girl...
You know how when we're running practice drills
and we wear protection so both people are safe?
Yeah.
Well, there you go.
What?
Same thing, but with your privates.
Please leave. Thank you.
Wesley, you will be missed.
That was excellent.
Yeah, top notch.
Get out!
Yeah, I think that turned out pretty... Who the hell is this?
This is Nathan. He's been to four Comic-Cons.
And he's leaving. Are you sure?
Beam your ass out of here.
Yes, ma'am.
One to beam up.
Energise.
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION THEME PLAYS
VOICEOVER: OK, that last part didn't happen,
but, boy, would that have been neat!
That was so neat.
Forgot my tape.
Energise.
I miss him already.
Robin and Jeffrey, by their solemn vows freely made before God...
VOICEOVER: Pastor Jeff and Officer Robin finally had their ceremony,
which was nice for them, but meant I had to go to church
on a Saturday and watch old people kiss.
You may kiss the bride.
# A little less conversation, a little more action
# All this aggravation ain't satisfaction in me... #
No tongue. No tongue.
Oh, there it is.
# Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
# Satisfy me... #
Where are they going in such a hurry?
Probably to unwrap their presents.
Something's getting unwrapped.
Told you.
# Satisfy me, baby # Satisfy me... #